... him and not Harry, the red-haired wizard attempted to find himself a girlfriend, just as Harry had. Unfortunately, Ron wasn't as lucky. After ten propositions that received twelve negative answers – some were very adamant against the idea of ever dating Ron – and three hard slaps across the face – some were very, very adamant – the young wizard had given up hope. But then a shining ray of promise shone on the red-head. With eyes sparkling, Ron looked up into that seemingly divine beam of light; it told him to wait, that the perfect witch for him would come along eventually. As he sat there, staring like an idiot, the light that shone upon him was eclipsed by a young witch that walked into his view. One could arguably describe her as two witches, seeing that she had the mass and circumference of two good sized women.
"I hear yer lookin' fer a girlfriend?" the massive witch asked. Her many chins and jowls shook and jiggled with each word.
"Yes," answered Ron.
"Well then, I'm yer girl," Sally-Anne Perks said and picked him up like a rag-doll before kissing him hard. Harry, who had the misfortune to witness this first kiss, had gotten the impression that Sally-Anne thought there may have been some bit of food stuck in the back of Ron's mouth and was attempting to fish it out with her tongue. Then, conceivably, the large witch ...